Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
