where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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