good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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