just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
