he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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