its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
