as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
