My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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