The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
