remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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