And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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