I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she smelled like a LAN party
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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