I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
