haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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