Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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