Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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