yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
