I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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