Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize