Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
