i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
