she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
