I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
