i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
