You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
