dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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