Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i was in the wii world.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
