someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
