so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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