You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
