I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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