youre lurking in front of me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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