bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
