Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
