You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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