dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
