you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
