Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
