His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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