If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
