why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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