I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
