His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
