singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
