Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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