My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
