i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize