I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
