You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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