Cold hands, warm shart.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
