He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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