so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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