i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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