On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize