i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
