Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
