I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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