I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
