Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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