new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
