don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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