YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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