i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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