She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
